I Heart Tuesdays and Thursdays

If you are unaware of my glorious predicament, let me enlighten your soul. The day is called Tuesday. The day is called Thursday. More productive than Saturday, less stressful than Sunday. Why you might ask? Well my little toad it is because I don't have class until 1:30 and I can sleep until 12 it's like a little mini weekend in the middle of the week. Glorious.

Small Glasses

If none of you reading this have ever been to the glorious and ever amazing St Thomas cafeteria, I deplore you to do so as soon as possible. It is an experience full of mystery and wonder. "Oh wow what food group does that fall into. What’s that? A rubber glove in my pizza? (pseudo-true story) I wonder how many ice-cream sandwiches I can fit in my pockets." However, there is one thing I suggest you bring, besides the $6.75 you will have to pay to eat all you can fit in you mouth, and that is a normal size glass. For some reason this fine university, which is producing many cost conscience business leaders, decided that the best way to supply drinks is through glass Dixie cups, or as I like to call, them midget glasses. Now I don't mean that these glasses are made of midgets or that they were made in some strange midget sweat shop. And if you think, "Posh! Midget sweatshops don't exist.” don’t. Just think of Santa’s workshop. All year around those "little people" (what midgets like to be called) make toys sweating in the hot polar air. But I'm not talking about that. And if your a midget and your reading this are "a little" (he he um...sorry bad pun) mad about my vertical slur about you I sincerely feel for your loss of good feeling and joy. Now the thing about quenching my thirst by these small glasses is this I have to fill about 1000 of them up to equal my 12 servings of normal fluids that I need to survive. You hear that university!! I'm having trouble surviving here!! Do you want us to get dehydrated?!! You’re causing a strangulation in drinking at this school. Well that’s my one beef with the cafeteria here. Otherwise, keep up the mediocrity.

THE RESULTS ARE IN!!!!

After many days of review and thought, um… well ok just review. I have decided who to write about in this special posting. The applicants have been strong to quite strong in ways I never even could imagine. Furthermore, the amount of posts that I have received have been pseudo-exemplary. The downside of getting such a cat's litter of applications is that some people applied twice or even more than twice. Like Thrice! Anna Altman AKA “Anners” applied ( well I was going to go back and count how many times she applied or was nominated but I’m lazy, Hence St Thomas, and just didn't) well a lot of times. What she did not realize was that i threw out all applicants who applied more than once. So that eliminates Anna the statue and the bowers because both are named bower. I also eliminated Trevor and molly because they are basically the same person so that’s a double application. So, the only person who has not been eliminated is “Tork”, or as I like to call her Anna the Tork. Way to go Anna, your comment about buying sunglasses was in true spirit of the chronicles. Plus, if I remember correctly you were pretty extreme yourself back in the day and deserves due recognition for your artistic work of everyday eccentricity. Keep up the good work someday you will make all of us, who are privileged enough to be called weird by our friends' little siblings (true stories), amazed at your genius.

Apply within!

There have been a few people who said they would read this blog more if I wrote about them. And I being a selfless individual decided, "Hey that’s a good idea." Therefore, in the coming days I will be accepting applications for writing a blog about someone. I don't even have to really know you but hey why not everyone likes here other people talk about them. So if you want me to immortalize you through this magnificent medium we call the "written word". Write a comment in the comment space below. If you are not a member you can go up to the little box that says “get your own blog” and become a member so you can write a comment. (I’m pretty sure you can become a member without getting your own blog if not I’m going to try to make it so anyone can comment on this blog) When you submit your comment make sure to include a little note about why your a worthy candydate. (as bobby from bobby's world would call it.) Peace be like a river out!

Study Central

I would like to describe for you where I spend my time studying. It be not in thy library where ye man thickest I hath study. Nay. There exist a magical place where the windows are wide and the people walk on the streets for the sheer purpose of amusing you with their antics and taking your mind of the grindstone. It's like i always say "a mind on the grindstone is a sharp mind, but leave it there too long and it will have a nervous breakdown." Actually i never have spoken those words out of the hole in my face but i intend to start. Today for instance i saw a man with a forklift work moving huge things of sod. After he had finished moving all this sod off of a very large truck he parked to for lift behind the truck and started to push and pull at the lifting component of this machine. I laughed to myself and said "You idiot the thing is mechanical why don't you just use the controls." If he could have heard my comment he would most likely have said something like "I can't!! The fork lift has fallen on me and i can't reach the controls. Help! oh ouch Help!!" But he didn't and that is one of the benefits of sound proof glass. So now i have let you look through a peep hole into the magical land where i learn and get headaches. By the way the man under the forklift did not die. I brought him a sandwich and he is doing just fine. If you cared you heartless freaks!

Fire!!!!!

So the other day at about 6 Fire Trucks showed up at our dorm in full suit and with axes and everything. They came in and went through the building. In my room however the fire alarms did not go off, which by the way makes me feel really safe. So it so happened that one smoke detector in one of the many rooms had gone off and signaled the evacuation of the entire hall we call Selby. And today JPII had a fire drill with the firemen as well. I think it might be some kind of crazy way either to make the parents happy knowing that the dorms are protected by the entire St. Paul fire depot. While at the same time they waste a precious percentage of my $87.42 of tax dollars on their pimped out gas hogging rides. Seriously have you seen the lights on those things?

College life

I am now officially moved into the most bomb dorm room I could have ever possibly asked for . The big Selby as I like to call it rocks my world. Well today was the first day of classes and we were assigned this book called the stranger which rocked. I suggest it, great read if you can decipher the symbolism. I need a digital camera so I call show pictures of cool things here. If anyone is interested I’m now accepting contributions.

Looters

If you have been living in a hole for the last couple weeks, let me tell fill you in, you looser. Ok, there was this huge hurricane. And the super smart Hurricane scientists have been studding it with this old Chinese calendar thing and they have decided to call it Katrina because it’s movements and devastation is like a badly trained Cat. But, it’s more like a crazy badly trained killer cat, so that’s why it’s “Kat” with a “K”. So this thing just sloshed through the southern US causing much damage and the beginning of some looting problems. Which got me thinking a lot about looter. And I have formally decided that...Yeah I hate looters! Going around stealing things that aren't even theirs. They're all like "look storms, and water lets go steal shit!" Come on people you should be saying "Lets get the Hell out of here." Not "What is something expensive that I can lug along with me?" Idiots! And the worst part is now that the city is 80% covered with water it's much easier for the worst kind of looters to get in. PIRATES!!!!! ARGGGGG!!!! I hate Pirates even more than looters. Well I guess their technically under the general category of looters. But why can't they be helpful pirates like in the pirates of the Caribbean or Wesley in princess bride who is the Dread Pirate Roberts, or the cartoon captain for Captain crunch (and yes he is a pirate ,no normal captains have a patch eye and a peg leg). Seriously what’s the deal you guys?! Just be nice.