Doors of Misfortune

This Friday was a night of strange adventures. I have not the words. So I am invited to a house out in the suburban area of the city for some excellent chili. Good food, great 80’s classics, good marshmallows, good times. On the way back, me and two friends are catching the metro back to Campus. The first of my friends step into the metro and I proceed to follow. All of a sudden, and completely without warning, THE DOORS BEGIN TO CLOSE!!! Needless to say I’m caught by surprise as these sliding doors start jamming into my shoulders and hands. I am pushing back on them yelling and trying to escape into the car of the metro. Like a mouse in trap that has just snapped upon him I squirm and wiggle until I am all through the door except for my foot which is holding it open. At that moment, I look back thinking I made it only to realize that the grueling escape has only begun. There behind my stands my bro Chris. He is looking at me with a face of horror. The first thing that went through my mind was basic training. You do not leave a man behind!!! Never!! So I am there with my foot holding the door half way open yelling come on man. Chris pushes and tries to find some way to squeeze through the space. Time was running low. Maybe it was the pain in my shoulder, the florescent lights beating down on me or the strength of the doors pushing against my foot, well whatever it was my foot slipped back and the doors snapped close like the jaws of an Egyptian crocodile. There I stood on the other side of the doors looking through the snot and hand smudged window of the door looking back at Chris. Our eyes could only communicate the sheer misbelief and horror as we retained eye contact as the metro slowly pulled out of the station. It was seriously something out of a movie as I rolled away and I watched him just stand alone on the platform. Then for dramatic effect I ran down the cart following him through the windows until I could not run any further. I sat down with my other traveling partner in silence as we sat and wondered what ever would become of our deer friend Chris and if we would ever see him again. Long story short Chris made it out of there and we waited outside the station right and in the mean time I went and bought a delicious Krispy Kreme to pass the time and ease the sorrows of my shortcomings in life. Just as I finished the lat bite of the delicious glazed with chocolate on top. Chris appeared from the escalader of the metro and we caught the bus back to campus.

Rats, we have mice

So the other night I was just about to go to sleep when my roommate wakes me up and is like…“um what are you doing?” I respond that I was about to go to sleep of course. It turns out that, unknown to me, a mouse had crawled up onto my roommate in our room earlier that night. So last night I slept on the couch. Now when I say mouse I don’t mean the “click click” computer mouse here we are talking about the fuzzy rabies carrying real life Mickeys and Minnies. Needless to say my mom was a little freaked out. I kind of toned her down by pretending that it was something worse. When I started explaining the fact that we had mice I made it sound like I got mugged. Therefore, her reaction was “good its only mice!” The next morning a man from maintenance came to check out our mouse problem. He looked around for all of three minutes told us he put traps in the room then left. I think he just really wanted to get out of the mouse house of terror. But before he left he said, “Well you have mice not rats. Now that is a good thing, because mice don’t get along with other mice families. But rats do.” I was thinking I am not sure that is good news. It seems like rats would be easier to live with they would be all laid back and stuff. They would say thinks like, “Hey I don’t have a problem chilling with other rats. They can live here too. Oh and I have no problem with that human there. I mean he’s cool. Word.” But I think mice will be all like. “Alright that flipping homo sapien is macking on our turf. I say we do a lil confrontation forshizzle and make this mofo hit the road Yo!! Only us and our family can infest this edifice!!!” That is right when mice talk they would use Ebonics and rhyme rather well.
That is another thing too aren’t mice and rats the same species. But rats have such a bad reputation. They are always the evil cartoons and characters in movies, films, and storybooks. Mice, on the other hand, are the cuddly version of these rodents. You have all the nice mouse characters, Minnie and Mickey, Pinky and the Brain, That Great American adventure thing, The Rescuers down under, Jerry from Tom and Jerry, the mice from Cinderella and the list goes on.
I can only think of one friendly rat and it was Splinter from the teenage mutant ninja turtles and he was still like a human deadly warrior morphed into a rat so I am not sure how much that counts. Then you have the bad rats they are always portrayed as evil. We don’t have double standards in the human world. You don’t call good people human beings and mean people homosapiens. But we should! Lets just create a discrimination of species base on meanness that way we have different standards for mean people than nice people. Oh we can’t blame him for being evil what do you expect he is a homo sapien, not a human like us. Come to think of it that is a really bad idea. Anyways Rats Mice mean nice you get the idea.

101 Texas

Do you guys remember the movie 101 Dalmatians when you were little. The bad lady cruela…which is a nice subtle villain name. The name has the word cruel in it. Its like naming someone Idiotis or Fagot. I think I will name one of my children cruela just because then everyone knows she means business. You don’t double cross cruela.
I was think though if this movie took place in texas it would be completely different. It would have to be 101 cows for one. Because what sissy little Texan would want Dalmatians. You go to the pet store and your like, “Hi I’d like to buy a Dalmatian and the guy is like “Um we got cows…. they are black and white.” You’d be like “SCREW IT I’LL TAKE THE COW.”
The thing is, the end of this Texas version would be completely different. You’d sell all your 101 black and white cows to Cruela Bob, he’d turn them into leather jackets to wear on his Harley. And you would go out and by a real dog.
Something like a pit bull, or a bulldog…..Yeah.

And...We are back

Hello again and welcome back to The Chronicles. From now on, I need to remain more ambiguous with all my writings. Pretty much my alter ego wants to grow up and get a real job. I want to keep writing ridiculous things. For my alter ego and for the reason that employers tend to check these things and some of the things I write here are controversial or just revealing into how utterly stupid I really am, the site change has occurred. I know also there has been a lack of post recently something for which I have no excuse. But here goes the new launching. Of “The Chronicles”, I know it does not have the same ring as the previous name, but it also does not show up in certain Google searches.
Life at the new college is great. My new alias on this site will be Spiff. This is the new alias because I am a big Fan of Bill Waterston’s Calvin and Hobbes. The name comes from the character Spaceman spiff. Plus it makes me sound all sappy and cool. The creativity and ingenuity is unmatched. Comic strips are a venue all of their own and what Bill has done has revolutionized the industry. You will notice many of my previous posts will be deleted from the site. If you want to read them for some reason or use some commentary in a college research project I have waver forms that are accessible via email. Soon I will be regaling you will more stories from the new place where I am which like my true identity will remain a secret to the public. Only my high caliber league of allies for my cause of rhetorical justice, and anyone who just pretty much found out that it was me writing for this site. Cool.
This is not yet written in stone so changes will come in the future