It is not easy being green

Patrick J. Deneen director of the Tocqueville Forum of Georgetown University announced today its ground breaking new series of discussions scheduled for this spring. In an age extremely focused on color and what color means, there has been one wavelength of visible light that is continually left out of the spectrum, Green The forum is dedicated to the rationalistic and philosophical discussions of American democracy. The discussion is ground breaking because America is continually ignoring green. There is ongoing discussion about integration of black and white. It seems like every other week there is a documentary about blue man group on Bravo. Red even got a whole decade of discussion during the cold war. It is about time Green gets its time in the limelight. Professor Deneen feels, “There is nothing more essential to American democracy at this point in history than the ongoing ‘Green’ discussions. We plan to assemble some of the greatest green minds for a Forum of discussion and discovery” The distinguished speakers expected to participate include Kermit the frog who historically has been avant-garde in his approach to the green question through his musical endeavors. His most notable piece is “It’s not easy being green.” Out of respect for patron Kermit, the series of discussions has been named after his musical work of art. Other distinguished guests include the ‘Incredible’ Hulk, the Grinch, Jolly Green Giant, Ralph Nader, and the Green Lantern.
DPS officers have also beefed up the security in Gaston for some of the events especially in response to Mr. Hulks reputation for unexpected unruly behavior. The ‘Incredible’ Hulk is expected to give a riveting lecture on anger management in green society. However, this therapist asked that there be no question and answer session following the debate in that it might “upset” Mr. Hulk.
The local DC media has begun scrambling for coverage of the Jolly Green Giant debates. The Tocqueville Forum discussions are the anticipated setting of his first public narrative of his drawn out battle with marijuana. The Jolly Green Giant told reporters, “When botany is your life, you have an obsession and access to almost any plant imaginable. It is easy to get into plants that you later regret.” The Jolly Green giant actually got his “jolly” nickname from the fact that he was constantly taking hits and doing his advertising shoots live. The green giant had this to say in an inclusive pre-forum interview, “It isn’t something I am proud of, but at the same time I don’t regret it. That jolly green joint made me a star. But. sometimes I lie awake and wonder if the price I paid was too high… way too high…”

To follow suit in the theme of green overcoming adversity Mr. Grintch will discuss his 4 year incitement in Whoville. Mr. Grintch will also speak on his struggle to overcome theft, depression, chronic heart inflammation, and animal abuse. He plans to end the lecture by joining the Georgetown Chimes as a soloist in a one song conclusion concert. They will be performing an acapella version of Greenday’s Boulevard of Broken Dreams.
The Forum’s series of lectures is planned to kick off next Friday with a heated debate between Kermit the Frog and green party leader Ralph Nader. Mr. Nader taking the stance that it is easy being green while Kermit thinks it is not. Already crowds of green supporters have begun overrunning campus, including a large group of leprechauns who are currently camped out in the shoe section of the bookstore.
Although the announcement of the series has generally been met with high esteem, there was some dissension among certain school administrators stating that this forum was too color specific. However, after much debate at the highest administrative level President DeGioia gave Professor Deneen and the Forum the green light to continue preparations for the debate series.

Are Our spies in Danger

I hope that some of you have heard about that spy who got Killed in London. Well if you didn't, basically a spy was poisoned by a radioactive poison. That is really all you need to know. It is on CNN.com if you are really curious. But, what got me thinking about this was CNN's concluding statement. "Are other spies in danger?" Um their spies!! Anyways read my interview below.

Are Our Spies in Danger?
The recent poisoning of ex-spy Alexander Litvinenko has sent shock waves through the espionage community. Many spies are questioning how safe they really are in the system. Some have begun not telling even their immediate family that they are in fact spies. In a recent interview with an official at the Central Intelligence Agency, one spy Albert Scars had this to say. “It is scary really. I never knew the kind of danger I could be in one day being a spy. You never know when you could be eating food that has the highly rare radioactive isotope polonium-210 in it. This is truly a new kind of attack on the espionage community. I just wish people would come and kill you with a candle stick in the library, or a lead pipe in the billiards room, or a revolver in the conservatory, then leave through a secret passage and blame it on
Colonel Mustard like we did in the good old days.” This particular double agent has requested that his identity remain confidential due to these recent attacks on the spy community. (not to mention the fact that he accidentally told reporters that he was a double agent and that his name was Alber Scars) U.S. officials were admittedly taken aback by the recent spy murder. The first task is to figure out who in their right mind would ever want to hurt a spy? What have spies ever done that would warrant the needless and brutal slaughter of one of their highly respected individuals such as Alexander Litvinenko? Stealing secrets, living double lives that involve stealing, seduction and global deception is a business like any other. Lloyd Jackson a friend of Alexander and fellow KGB had this to say, “I just can’t understand why they would do such a thing to Alex. Sure, he turned his back on the entire Russian nation and gave government secrets to the enemy. But, does that make him a traitor? Honestly, it was so long ago. He was a retired spy. Retired!! Talk about holding some unnecessary grudges. That is just like Putin. He could never take a joke and could never just let things go. I remember one time when I gave him a swirly in 5th grade and he had my entire family executed. He always had to get even. Good times. But, this kind of foul play makes me wonder how safe it really is for me to be a spy. I got into this business for the security and of course, fame, fortune, excitement, drop-dead gorgeous women, and opportunities for cleverly placed puns. But mostly, I am in it for the security, the job safety. However, if the security and safety is gone what else is there to keep me going?” The interview with Lloyd ended with our reporting crew being bound, gagged, blindfolded, then taken out from his secret underground cave. The question still remains whether other spies are in danger for their lives, or if this was just one isolated, radioactive, spy-killing accident.

Snail Fall (comic #2)

Tea Partay

This is a crazy video and it is funny because I know people like those in the video. Pretty crazy. I think this summer I am going to have a tea partay and we will play croquet and dress in Nantucket reds and prepsta clothing. If you are cool enough to get an invite it will be in cursive.

Tea Partay

A Snail Tail

Here is a comic I made today.

Doors of Misfortune

This Friday was a night of strange adventures. I have not the words. So I am invited to a house out in the suburban area of the city for some excellent chili. Good food, great 80’s classics, good marshmallows, good times. On the way back, me and two friends are catching the metro back to Campus. The first of my friends step into the metro and I proceed to follow. All of a sudden, and completely without warning, THE DOORS BEGIN TO CLOSE!!! Needless to say I’m caught by surprise as these sliding doors start jamming into my shoulders and hands. I am pushing back on them yelling and trying to escape into the car of the metro. Like a mouse in trap that has just snapped upon him I squirm and wiggle until I am all through the door except for my foot which is holding it open. At that moment, I look back thinking I made it only to realize that the grueling escape has only begun. There behind my stands my bro Chris. He is looking at me with a face of horror. The first thing that went through my mind was basic training. You do not leave a man behind!!! Never!! So I am there with my foot holding the door half way open yelling come on man. Chris pushes and tries to find some way to squeeze through the space. Time was running low. Maybe it was the pain in my shoulder, the florescent lights beating down on me or the strength of the doors pushing against my foot, well whatever it was my foot slipped back and the doors snapped close like the jaws of an Egyptian crocodile. There I stood on the other side of the doors looking through the snot and hand smudged window of the door looking back at Chris. Our eyes could only communicate the sheer misbelief and horror as we retained eye contact as the metro slowly pulled out of the station. It was seriously something out of a movie as I rolled away and I watched him just stand alone on the platform. Then for dramatic effect I ran down the cart following him through the windows until I could not run any further. I sat down with my other traveling partner in silence as we sat and wondered what ever would become of our deer friend Chris and if we would ever see him again. Long story short Chris made it out of there and we waited outside the station right and in the mean time I went and bought a delicious Krispy Kreme to pass the time and ease the sorrows of my shortcomings in life. Just as I finished the lat bite of the delicious glazed with chocolate on top. Chris appeared from the escalader of the metro and we caught the bus back to campus.

Rats, we have mice

So the other night I was just about to go to sleep when my roommate wakes me up and is like…“um what are you doing?” I respond that I was about to go to sleep of course. It turns out that, unknown to me, a mouse had crawled up onto my roommate in our room earlier that night. So last night I slept on the couch. Now when I say mouse I don’t mean the “click click” computer mouse here we are talking about the fuzzy rabies carrying real life Mickeys and Minnies. Needless to say my mom was a little freaked out. I kind of toned her down by pretending that it was something worse. When I started explaining the fact that we had mice I made it sound like I got mugged. Therefore, her reaction was “good its only mice!” The next morning a man from maintenance came to check out our mouse problem. He looked around for all of three minutes told us he put traps in the room then left. I think he just really wanted to get out of the mouse house of terror. But before he left he said, “Well you have mice not rats. Now that is a good thing, because mice don’t get along with other mice families. But rats do.” I was thinking I am not sure that is good news. It seems like rats would be easier to live with they would be all laid back and stuff. They would say thinks like, “Hey I don’t have a problem chilling with other rats. They can live here too. Oh and I have no problem with that human there. I mean he’s cool. Word.” But I think mice will be all like. “Alright that flipping homo sapien is macking on our turf. I say we do a lil confrontation forshizzle and make this mofo hit the road Yo!! Only us and our family can infest this edifice!!!” That is right when mice talk they would use Ebonics and rhyme rather well.
That is another thing too aren’t mice and rats the same species. But rats have such a bad reputation. They are always the evil cartoons and characters in movies, films, and storybooks. Mice, on the other hand, are the cuddly version of these rodents. You have all the nice mouse characters, Minnie and Mickey, Pinky and the Brain, That Great American adventure thing, The Rescuers down under, Jerry from Tom and Jerry, the mice from Cinderella and the list goes on.
I can only think of one friendly rat and it was Splinter from the teenage mutant ninja turtles and he was still like a human deadly warrior morphed into a rat so I am not sure how much that counts. Then you have the bad rats they are always portrayed as evil. We don’t have double standards in the human world. You don’t call good people human beings and mean people homosapiens. But we should! Lets just create a discrimination of species base on meanness that way we have different standards for mean people than nice people. Oh we can’t blame him for being evil what do you expect he is a homo sapien, not a human like us. Come to think of it that is a really bad idea. Anyways Rats Mice mean nice you get the idea.